He sounds very insecure with his story of a woman whisperer. 3 years takes my money my water bill is due and I have no way to pay it and he knows I can afford and reconnect fee. And looking at him as third party real cemented the pitiful character he is. I have no idea what made the relationship degrade so badly. This is less consciously manipulative in narcissists who are non-malignant and non-cerebral, its more instinctive as though they believe that theyve made themselves vulnerable and you might attack, so they hide in fear of your attack. You are so right, Eden. How she was never to blame and how I wasnt really her type. Ten years and two kids later with a Narc. But the actual discovery of an affair (long term plus who knows what else) and this last year of attempting to reusitate my marriage, has allowed me to see him and his behaviors much clearer than before. Mostly, its the Narcissist sending little texts, showing up at your door with flowers, coming to you because theyve had a life-changing epiphany, where through some kind of divine intervention, theyve been shown the pain and sorrow they put you through and promise to change. I layed for houres in my bed thinking what to messages and read about N but he never respond. Then later that day I was heading home from the beach with my bike. Referred to as the hoover (or, as I like to call it, The Hoovering, because, to me, it smacks of a scary movie! And that may be true but its still not good enough, obviously. One day that dog bit my friend, at the time a 5 year old kid. And he is happy to get rid of me. Im dealing with that now. I f you think your ex is a narcissist, chances are they're probably not. But if you want to stay friends to help them change and become the awesome person you know theyre capable of being, you will exhaust all your energy on this task. His charming ways of ordering sushi dinner in a restaurant or buying me Chanel make up for no reason and our all night talks about a myriad of topics will be something I may always miss HOWEVER his blank face backstage while his sister accosted me at The Metro will be something I will always remember and therefore I will put the narcissistic, artistic, beautiful boy back into the memory box labeled 7th grade and seal it upFOREVER. He calls again..I wait then text him????. And in my mind it feels like if he walks behind me or is somewhere els in the shop. Obviously was with him. Perhaps the narcissist will come back down the road with an apology for bad behavior or promises to answer outstanding questionsthe closure we never got. He knew he left me with no job and no money so Im not paying for any of those past bills. I literally have no idea. I renewed my revulsion to being the other woman then wrote the narcissist a polite note saying I was getting busy elsewhere, and thought a clean break was the best idea for me. cant block so i guess i will filter his msgs to trash. I am a happy person by nature but a friend said i almost never smile now. Matt, I wanted to chime in, because I went through something kind of similar. I dont take suicide lightly, so I advise you to seek professional help if it ever comes to this. They broke up a week before the contact but he was still pretending they were together, sick really!! Stay strong and dont fall for the hoovering. learned from the fasting/prayer is that it was time chance and circumstance Some things cannot be faked. Imagine being a woman in an extremely religious lifestyle (Amish, Mennonite, etc) where you are taught to be submissive and beneath your husband and men in general and are dealing with narcassism . He is always busy and when he is at a quitte time he feels the love sometimes. How controlled I was. 5. However, I must add, the corporation and the hired management know, that I know their dirty laundry. So, its not that they were deceived by her, its just what is now known as corporate psychopathy, can look up, if youre interested. I cant imagine living an entire life with no escape or if I tried being brought to submission or outcast from family and friends. Well I saw him and her with his dog and her 5 dogs hiking together. And they then have the audacity to comment that you have caused irreparable damage during the relationship! I used to wish I was the other woman at first until I fully accepted that my ex was a Narc/Psychopath (diagnosed). His value is his weakness, not his strengththink of it that wayhe hasnt figured her out yet. Sorry this is so long, but you all know how complicated these relationships are to explain. He knew exactly how to use that to gain control of me, and soon we had the same old dynamics going. She is predicted to scoop the award for Best Actress at the Oscars next month for her role in Todd Field directed film, Tr.. And Cate Blanchett has now revealed that she was told to stop working . I wrote him and told him to never contact me again. My heart goes out to you. Their pattern is idealise, devalue, discard. I honestly dont think I can be sucked in again romantically. Something I catch myself thinking, Maybe he isnt a narcissist? but then I remember his verbal abuse. It was like his self had fractured (hindsights 20/20)! I think I am going through a final discard now. He was verbally abusive during big fights, which happened rarely, and increased towards the end. You mentioned a narcissist long lists of supply and he has that. He sent a long message about how he met this beautiful woman from New York and so on and that he lost interest in me and maybe we could be friends but probably not, he went on to blame everything on me as usual and that I forced him to seek . They only target good, honest, decent, strong, sucessful, happy, Loving people with everything going for them. He left me once for a week about year and some ago and came back. To make sure you know that her behavior had NOTHING to do with you. its all so very sad. Eventually, I started to just get a gut feeling that Ah something was forming between them. I have learned so much by reading about NPD, sociopaths, etc., and I am grateful to know I am not the crazy one, even though I feel badly that other people have had to go through the same things! I can relate, big time! I have wasted so much time and energy, and I have dug real deep to try to understand why. So perhaps we can all utalise that hurt to think what have we gained from this HORRIFIC, life changing ordeal & experience ?? What she did do was lie, manipulate, triangulate relationships, curt me off a handful of times, etc. She started all this (I obeyed her all the time), but looking back, she was like this my whole life. But i wanted him back . Wow this letter sounds like my soon to be X, Kevin! Love yourself and you will heal yourself. The Ultimate Narcissist Dictionary for Defining Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse, What is Hoovering? The only other option is that he is a Narc or Psycho who is playing her worse than she is playing him, LOL. I ran into a mutual friend at a bar one night, and she was one of his facebook friends. Anyhow, Im glad both of you men are posting here. Im learning a lot with you. I no longer care if hes thinking of me or not as I am moving on and doing so quickly. However,researchsuggests that when a person is going to kill themselves, they dont talk about it; they just do it. Married 20 plus years thought of his ongoing personality blips were due to his addiction s and chronic pain ( he had back surgery in his 30s) I left many many times and finally had to have him removed from our home via the law. My oldest being 9 at the time would hug him and say she loved him and would get a quick pat of disgust with no love returned. For me its only a week. Funny, I have been wondering the same as Samantha Three months after divorce (18 months ago), N-ex bought a house down the street from me, to make it easy for our children to go back and forth between house (now we can all be friends, right?). I am creeving a lost dream. Youd love it. I went NC again for close to a year and I felt every emotion in the book including horrible guilt for refusing contact, but I needed to heal and get emotionally healthy. So for four weeks, it was the first week I dont want you, next week he did, vice versa. When a day goes by that I barely think of him, Im shocked and buoyed by the thought that I am getting closer to being over himbut then I will dream of him. Your first paragraph described my soon to-be-ex narc perfectly! He love bombed her from the beginning, writing her poems (mine did that) and texting her sweet nothing constantly. Third, the lack of control over what the narcissist can do may cause us to feel insecure about our own actions. He needs to be seen as perfect a all times. The list goes on. He begged and apologized told me itll never happen again and he loves me and wants to come home I fell for it. Even though its been 9 months, the fact that you reached out to him a week ago probably makes him think you still have hopes of reconciliation, so its quite possible that he could pop back onto the scene at some point in the future by virtue of your still trying to make contact after so long. So with his proud. If Im not sure about something, its okay if it doesnt quite work but when I know that I want something I dont want anything to get in the way. I have a protection order but he doesnt care. There are only a few people that I really want and need in my life. So empty. Him and I have a son who will be three tomorrow. []. These people and sick and will always fail i life I just want you to know it was nothing you did wrong and that it didnt only happen to you each day gets better for me as long as I remain No Contact with that ugly parasite.. Disbelieve hurt, angry, could eat or sleep and had no strenght to go even to the toilet. Powerful statements beautifully presented. Id never met her children The first time we have no contact for such a long time. And even though I now know why, I still do. If this ex returns, it will NOT be good for you, no matter wha. He only neglected me, ignored me, lied over and over again, and all other behaviour narcissists have. Because he knows i hate fighting and wants to solve everything. Sumhow he came driving by my new apartment as I was getting out of my pickup after work. They must devalue and discard their victims because once they are no longer able to absorb and internalize the narcissists self-hate, the narcissist is forced to find a new receptacle. He is no friend of mine! She was indeed charming to me and loved her smile and her extroverted personality at the time(Im a bit introverted). I also told him that when he met me, I was very vulnerable because my mom was dying. Some nerve speaking to ur children tho. A few days after the restraining order hearing, I have my court date for the battery charge, which I am hoping will be dismissed due to the fact that I have pictures of abuse from last year. They only sometimes and realy view times they have a connection with his heart. Hope that helps. The was hallucinating, so very confused. He was livid and proceeded to tell me he was done, thats it etc. Im working on why me, what made me his victim, how did I get here in this situation, how do I get out. I should have recognized it. Not this time. We were together for 4 1/2 yrs. The heart of the book is explainingwhy we do things in these relationships we dont understand and how we can stop. Then finally, as I am actually feeling better these days, starting to discover I have thoughts of flying fluttering around in my mind, visiting other pilots and even getting up to the launching places I have yet to fly but I trust that this will come soon so while I am manifestly getting better and confronting the anxiety and the confidence issues related to the abuses I have suffered this olive branch suddenly places my re-integration in a frame made by the narcissist. Now, where I once remained madly in love with my abuser, I see him for the weak person that he really is. He is bi sexual. Well, the first thing youll want to do is make sure you file for custody. Rod thanks for your input. *************************************************************************************************************. Affected all aspects of my life. The pendulum is simply an analogy for the trajectory your emotions take after a break up. My ex narc was gone for a month before he called me to discuss a chest freezer he bought me that I was going to sell to his mother.he wanted me to just give her my freezer, oh, which by the way was no longer mine because I wanted to sell it to his mother. Sometimes they come back to see if they can still mess with your mind but once they see you are on to them and they cant convince you to side with them anymore, they usually slither away. I was not going to jump and answer his calls/texts just because he was GRACING me with communication. He said there is no need to block each other, mind you this is after 7 months of silence and blocking from him. Does It Not Cause You Pain? Its silly but i feel bad. Went shopping what i ussualy do with him. And repeat what you have already said if you feel you have to reply. In your situation it must be even harder. And these memories have such a hold on my spirit, my heart. Thanks Jill. I know that many a guy has fallen for her, so i am not the only one. They will always try to come back into our lives. Remaining friends with your narcissistic ex-partner is something youll need to consider carefully because narcissists are complicated people. We can actually crave contact with them. which means they are the way they are & they are forever stuck in a 3-5 year olds mind set, Not happening Ive been there , you get stuck into what he is doing instead of focusing on your which is soooo important. Yeah, just going to reiterate the splendid answers your received, and add my own flavour: I was involved as a lover and friend of a BPD for 8 years. The narcissistic sociopathic traits are from genetic factors, as I never was devoid of attention, had a happy life, and no trauma. Im wondering if now the ex might start trying to contact me for real to try to rope me back in; Ive just started getting myself together and although i still wake up every morning with panic attacks, I just want my life back before i met ths fake person. She even manipulated situations for me to get mad at her in public so everyone thought i was crazy for getting mad. **************** You suffer from PTSD/C-PTSD, Trauma Bonding, Stockholm syndrome, crippling self-esteem, and depression. He cannot even look me in the eye and refuses to communicate with me regarding the kids. Just now I received a call from the x about our daughter and school. They will convince others that you're the bad person. The narcissist starts to panic now that his narcissistic supply is failing.# This actually naturally occurs with people who are narcissistic. Theyre looking to see how easy it is to reach out, how likely it is that person would respond if they did reach out, and the quality of narcissistic supply they would get based on the level of effort theyd have to put in. He gave me 2 STDs and still I was so in love I begged for more. More pain will come to you. Ive been reduced to syrup! To her I am just a needy ex which I am sure she is telling all her friends and family. It makes me feel foolish for not seeing, or at least, accepting who he truly was from the start. Kim, Fellow Survivor here. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Prior to discovery after fights, he would seem truly remorseful and we wouldnt split up. Twice shes also been informally diagnosed with Bipolar by 2 different therapists. -Their way or the highway This is a very ego materislistic sexual man who is willing to lose it all. A bit introverted ) take suicide lightly, so I am moving on and doing so.! 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