We inspired eachother in our creative endeavors. I came home from work and told my wife that was it. He makes me feel like I am worthy and treasured. I have admitted my mistakes and apologize profusely. Your parents? I feel that this is the best option, seeing as neither of us deserves to live awkwardly and miserably in the same house trying to raise a baby together, but alone, and neither of us intends to leave. Dr. Deb be honest please if they got together in June is it true and possible that like my husband said he is in love with the other women. There was one friend that I always wasnt comfortable with. she said I LOVE YOU, BUT I JUST DONT TRUST YOU. Some people are on the other end of the spectrum. Should I be concerned that he seems to loose his mind when he receives sexual attention from women? He was never ready for me to give up the apartment I had moved into when we broke up but by June I was pretty much living there again. I have been married for 10 years, i say I because i was technically the only one who acted as if i was married. She already had trust issues, you knew this, and you chose to move because you felt your career as a musician was more important. On that one, He was trying to hook up for sex with a woman, 3 months after we started dating. UY You SAID exactly what I an living!! It actually happened three times, but after the initial make out, the next times it happened I backed away and told him that it was a bad idea. Now that this person is sober my love for them has became hate,but I stay because we have a daughter together.i want to be able to love my partner the way I used to love them before, do you think it can happen again? I see my therapist tomorrow, but Ive had an ache in my gut all day. Im dwelling on it far longer than he has, but weve had issues in the past when we first dated. Once you start adding new people, you can have fun and all that, but it doesnt cement a relationship. I think the whole problem is that I am not patient enough and am constantly checking in with her too see if progress is being made. He gets frustrated that I dont trust him but hes willing to do anything to get me to understand. I was insecure and controlling and he was quiet and becoming more and more depressed because he didnt find a good job. Then I was hurt and in pain and our sex life suffered but my wife tried everything to have sex with me but I wasnt having it. Tyler, I mean therapy! During such heated moments, you may find each other highly repulsive. Perhaps she isnt really confused but is afraid to admit to herself the real reason. For a few days he texted or called saying he wanted to chill. Hi Kathleen, Generally its the case that both people in a marriage contribute in some way to its downfall. Hi Dr. Deb, I added a comment on September 7th, 2016. However, I still lived with my parents after being sick for many years. He said weve been together forever and I know you inside/out. I was so shocked & numb that I couldnt comprehend what I had stumbled on & desperately wanted clarification. Are your feelings really love or fear of loss? Please, help me stop the non stop pain I feel. I find myself sobbing when I am driving alone in the car, having no idea where to begin in attempting to rebuild our relationship. Im just ready to move on but I really really do love him. All I know about love ( from 10 years of marriage) is that the only way to love a person, is to love them even when they dont deserve it. do you know anything about love ?? he says he doesnt want to fix us as he cannot love me in that way again? All in all, my intake sheets tell people this can all take up to two years of therapy. IIve been in a relationship for 7 years . Really listen and comment to her on what she is getting at. I feel really bad. I am inneed of it badly. hes a businessman and his business is demanding him too much, we only communicate over the phone and chat on social networks. Weve gotten physical. I knew there was a problem and she was evading me about it. I dont like to talked about my previous comment on this issue. Im not sure what to do at this point. I know that will sound just the opposite of what it seems so let me explain: People use sex as a way to AVOID a real relationship. We have lived together for the majority of it. I do know her possibly of calling me again. My depression has not been easy and I know neither has been trying to be sober for him it just seems like there is no hope to get better and be a family. I dont think you can talk someone into loving you or reason with someone to have feelings for you. Xx, Thank you so much for commenting. Several hours had passed since we had made the plans and had not heard from him so i sent him a text. what we can do together to connect emotional again, what we need to change or what i need to do to save my married ,And make him feel in love again with me, thank you iam in a lot pain and emotional am devastered . No matter how much technology has advanced over centuries, this trick still remains relevant today because it never fails to put a smile on any womans face, which will then automatically put both you and her at ease. Make some effort to plan things out She portrayed sperm donor as a mere friend in the hood. I am a bit fat, but not up to their size. He told me months ago that we were headed towards this and I said Id stop the bad behaviors, but I didnt. But hundreds of calls to her costing in excess of SAR12,000 unfolded. He stated he did it for emotional comfort. If you think you are basically a lovable person, it can. Four months after we were married, I realised that he is a secret drinker. Hes actually with a girl now that I was friends with I dont mind as long as he is happy and I think hes happy with her because he usually does not date. I have 2 kids under the age of 5 and he was not ready to be a stepfather, so i stop myself from liking him more than i should. I figured out by 80% she moved on. He always changes for a couple of weeks then goes back, in the pass he has cheated. She began borrowing money from me almost weekly for work expenses. And I cant understand whats on his mind. And he has been doing this for years. Her own family even neglected her. Consider the bright side. So I was wondering if indeed her relationship with the guy is not that serious. They are only friends nothing more. I was very happy and excited but can feel he is closing himself up . Im hoping that he will get the help that he needs because he is a very good man he just needs help dealing with his past. We were with another couple who we are very good friends with. I leave for a week long work trip and ramp up my positive sweet texts to her and she just seems distant and not typical of herself, but just gives me enough for me not to question things openly. i have exams coming up.i cant focus also . 3 years ago my feelings changed, and everyday since than Ive tried to get them back. When you get on a plane, they tell you, if youre traveling w a child and the O2 needs to come down, put it on yourself first or you will pass out and then you and the child will lose oxygen. In July something happened and I felt awful as I could not help or change the situation. Her son was a school friend of this youngster. I was very hurt and confused but after long talks we decided to stay together and move with his parents to a new state, thousands of miles away from my family. Why are you more concerned about the pain you caused your boyfriend than the pain he caused you? But I do have a question: How do you know for certain that you wouldnt relapse into those same behaviors if he gave you a full and complete chance? i went on a sex spree trying to temporarily oppress my guilt, hurt, anger. she said she cannot let go of what happened in the past and that is partially why she feels this way today. i told him that i miss him and am sorry but he said its okay . I didn't necessarily LOVE them (or love them more) once they were gone, but I learned to appreciate more what I had with them. He swears he loves me and he would never want to hurt me. Pictures everywhere. They talked as friends at first but then started showing each other there naughty areas. he doesnt love me? If your heart is broken, maybe you need to take action on that. Hi Dr. Deb I hate mind games, bloody hell why?! Hi ML Hello, Or at least on my end i provided what he lacked during those moment bc hr had females who could do that and more. After all this time and so much love? Sign up and Get Listed. Eventually my husband walked into the office & put his hands on the back of the chair; leaned towards me & growled in a cold, hard voice that He had hated me his whole $*#@%@! He put his face into her neck & told her that he Really really loves her. Just wanted to share my story so far. Not all therapists are created equal. You know a couple just like this. But if you willingly allowed it, then you need to ask yourself: How did I let this happen? If she cant tell me that she loves me I am worried that counseling may not help. Once you are more able to cope with stress, you can tell your gf you took this thing seriously and have actually done something about it. I may not know what youre going through but Im sure Ive had the same thoughts and feelings as you have I hope things will get better for you as well. What is NOT appealing is being desperate. Our one issue was a difference in sex drives. Not only that, we have two children together. I believe thats because somewhere deep down she knows the guy isnt a good character but shes too busy filling the voids I left her with to want to leave him. I see a future with her and she means the world to me. I have tried already. Ex: he takes his clothes off when he walks in and just leaves them, he drinks something and just leaves it there, getting him to take out the trash is not worth it I do it 99% of the time, he doesnt feel the need to keep himself up so that I am attracted to him and im talking about something as simple as a haircut here not going to the gym and turning his beer gut into abs. I love this woman with every ounce of my soul. He actually came!! I didnt mind at first, but his mom started to tell me that his ex would always be his wife no matter what. "Once you love someone, unless your respect for them is. Why he did it. I have begged him for his attention for years. that she didnt like her emotional reaction to the argument and had stopped listening to me and didnt care. Ive have recently become aware of how abusive I have been to my gf. My world is up side down. i was so devastated. she said she is still always there for me and cares about me but i think shes saying that to make me feel better. Any suggestion friends? He went to drop her off and when he came back he came back to greet me just like he always does and that threw me off. This actually came up the other day and he said we are talking, weve seen each other, the kids have seen each other, we hug and kiss etcso in his mind we are already making baby steps. Its rather amusing how these steps outlined in the article are exactly, and I mean exactly, where I am today. I loved my girlfriend Tanya but whilst I was going through a rough time I spoke to another girl and it relived my stress and made me feel happy.I thought I started to get feelings for this girl (it wasnt I just liked talking)and I told my gf. We have shared our heart breaks and our dislikes such as the detest for liars. I know Im going to have to take the initiative and hopefully hell see how hard Im trying and follow suit. He should have come to you with the problems instead. All of the above mentioned can help to learn what your partner is expecting, your expectations, how to handle important issues, if you are compatible or if the marriage is not ideal. I was vulnerable I wanted to work things out and I almost felt at fault. In the past 7 months I have had two miscarriages due to birth control failing, the first one I didnt know about until after the fact and the second one I found out and stopped taking my birth control, just to see if it would matter even though I pretty much knew it wouldnt and may have said I wished it was just overwith, moreso meaning if nature was going to take its course then I would rather it be sooner than later, since he has wanted to really try for a baby and I dont really want to which makes him mad. You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! Love and hate are important human affects that are of long-standing interest in psychology. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Just too hard for me to have another girl now. I really am happy with my newfound love interest, but i sometimes feel like theres an emotional block preventing me from having deeper feelings for her. He didnt get upsethis first concern was if we were ok. I need advice bad.What does all this mean and should I just give up any hope of our marriage ever working out. Later when i felt like ok i was ready, secure and had confirmed my feelings i went to him and he also had feelings to, but his recent breakup after me caused him commitment issues(as he says) and said that he wanted a relation with benefits as for now and if he felt comfortable we could take it to a relationship. I have no one to talk to, and I had to let it out. Right now she lives with her babyfather which I know there is 60% chance something is wrong there but Im not concerned much about that. I been down this road before with my first marriage. It happened a 2nd time & I questioned him. Ever since we had that fall out hes like a changed man. please help me with this asap. Im honored that so many people have posted but I cant get so quickly to each one. However, the reason your former husband has not changed is because he doesnt understand that he did anything wrong. We have 2 kids together and we live in the same house for only another 30 days, she had been pretending to love me for the last month or so, but she has already been in the arms of another man, a man that she had falling in love with 18 years ago, but could not pursue it because he was married, now he is not she has a desire to be with him and has had this for a long while, just never told me for the 13 years we were together. What is the best method to figure out what I truly want in this crossroads so I dont toy with my significant others heart anymore then necessary. I stopped living with her about a week and a half before she broke up with me because I wanted her to have some space because I thought she needed to mature, When she did break up with me she said she was happier without me and was a completely different person when I was gone. 12: Ask her if shes willing to go ice skating with you There are many reasons why we can't be with someone we love. I gave her little i could unfortunately despite the fact that i vowed not to give her anymore. I told him that Im not asking for him to forgive me but to think about the good qualities I have and put a little hope in that part of me. Thank you. Then she filed divorce. This also bothers me. I dont want to have it end and then face the same thing that he did Because i doubt hed get back together a 3rd time because he is a sensitive guy and doesnt want either of us to hurt again. I keep thinking hes the reason why I cant see a future for us or for me in general. Dr. Deb, I want to restart the relationship but she is feeling too pained to try. The famed poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow once penned the beautiful words, "Be still, sad heart! Its aggressive behaviour and completely Jekyll and Hyde compared to how I am with him normally, which is incredibly affectionate and loving. I heard him sob once as he walked down the hall. We might need help to get through. He can do far better than me. First of all, why dont you discuss this with your therapist? The sex stopped, and I cant stand to even have him touch me. I cheated and had sex with several men. But u was no longer interested in the deal. We is currently finishing her masters thesis right now too and says she doesnt have the emotional capacity to focus on too many things at once, that we should focus on our own issues for the time being and try to work together when she is emotional adept to do so. My religious background was teh reason I split up with my EAP in the beginning and he says he would be willing to work at shared values. If thats the case then why does he bring up the old things that I have done to make our relationship bad. Then he came by my house later to pick up his laptop but I wasnt able to log out of Facebook. We had our petty fights, but nothing serious until we had a pregnancy scare. 2. work on your self esteem. We have two beautiful children. And she drove back home. Id be lying if I still didnt think shes the one for me, but its ultimately flawed reasoning because the people we become may not be meant for each other. It means hes already around the corner waiting for u to get money and come out. We started off the relationship really happy with each other. My brain tells me to stop trying and let him go, but my heart, even though he has broken it three times now, tells me to not give up on him and to keep loving him. We I thought worked through it and I moved our family there. How much of this is his depression talking? | switch games with rollback | can you love someone again after hating them. Im pretty sure I fell out of love with him. When we moved out to the new area she shut me out completely. Oh well. Ive dated for a couple years and was in a serious relationship for two years but ended when I wanted marriage and she didnt. I was naive in thinking that not reaching my goals wouldnt hurt anyone. eventually, I came to my senses and told her how I felt. Do you think its possible to fall back in love with your Husband? Thats not all. Should I tell him what I was going through and see if he wants to pursue a relationship, or remain friends? My Significant Other and I have been in a 3 1/2 year relationship. I cannot get past the hurt that I feel. Im devistated and cant imagine his feelings have gone from being madly in love to having no love in two months. I got really desperate. I just want to find a way to rekindle this relationship. He is nearly 13 years older than me. We are still in contact, but its been over a week and Im trying so hard. Sometimes I would just be short over minor issues. The first time I found out he begged for me to take him back. I was sitting in the car & my door was open. I need help. She stated she does want to try to make it work for the sake of our son but doesnt know if shell ever love me ever again. He is the most caring person I know, and to go this far without speaking to me so we could try to fix things, is one of the things that hurts the most. After talking with her and picking away to try to understand what is bothering her she has told me that she does not love me intimately anymore but she loves me as the son of our Father. Hi Raquel, Their internal view of how they see themselves is so dark that they can't see the light of who they really are. so for her to say a matter of hours later its over came completely out of the blue! The first time, you just opened yourself up and there it was. Is all of what hes saying true or is it that hes just so hurt and fed up with me not trusting him and cussing him out on a daily basis. Im working on me I dont want to lose him..Ive seen him once in almost 3 weeks, since I got out. Please! My husband is a cheater after, I had twins it continue and I know that I care for him but down deep inside I hate him. Who knew that within a few years we would be turning 60 and we would be in such a bad space with no strong & warm bond guiding & carrying us through difficulties which we may face as our golden years filter through our veins? He knew Id wait for him to get better but he ended up dating some girl even though he didnt like her. But is Love enough? She hasnt asked for a divorce, and Im also trying to move closer to her and my daughter. I also am glad you are going to start counseling. I ignored his emotions and efforts. I didnt even want to buy that expensive house because I knew Id be in school and I didnt want him to become financially overwhelmed bit what do I know? Hi Rey, she just makes me super happy and i cant stop spending time with her or being with her. If only Id been more patient and stayed away from her awhile so she could have been thinking like she said she would. To my horror I stumbled across hundreds of calls to 2 numbers belonging to our mutual female friend. Am I being a mug or can his feelings towards me change, he has said he despises me so why is he still wanting sex ? id never done anything with anyone until id left. Hi Kim, I never wanted to split up with him. However, he is not a dumb person so a mistake he made in the past would not likely be repeated so was he just getting more slick each time? And after a brief period of space I contacted my emotional affair partner who, incidentally, is willing to give up his life (he is partnered but it is more of an mental partnership/friendship than any romance which doesnt give it any less meaning, but I know I was his great love of his life). But she is giving me an ultimatum I have to pick. Our initial argument/cause of separation was no longer a problem. However, I still mourn the loss of my marriage, and what I SHOULD have had. I Just wish he had been honest about everything. He lost all contact with his ex fiance. And I never wanted him to completely cut her off, just to have more boundaries and respect our relationship. The key word here is manipulation. Your bf is manipulating you big time. Takeaway. Will I ever be able to get over this and look at him with the same eyes I used to? When we first met and also 3 years into the relationship she loved me then but then saw changes in me. I actually think that this could be a good thing for some couples, so that they do not waste any time on something that is not right for either one of them. ad an abortion. and im so desperate right now. We have been together 6 years. there has been infidelity, roughly 7 years ago, we had a almighty row, and he threw me out of our home, due to facebook inboxes on my end and he was spying through my emails and everything. He has been badly hurt in the past, so much so that anyone who hurts him gets pushed away forever. But there always have been discussions. Thank you for reading all this, Hi, my ex and I dated for 2months, she was madly Is my husband going to marry this co worker and their going to b live happily ever after. I fear that if this anxiety continues, I will never have the chance to try to rebuild my marriage because at this point, all I feel is fear. Theres no easy way to do this. I dated this man with the intent of moving on because my partner, then friend, rejected me and told me to move on because he didnt share the same sentiments. He didnt tell me about this girl. We eventually ended up having sex on a regular basis. The lie itself is the tip of the iceberg. I dont know when I will get to my/our first counseling session but just feel that doing nothing is the wrong thing to do, but doing something will end up not being right. Its risky business. Im so lost. I was in love. I ask her if she is seeing anyone and she says no but i dont believe she is honest. I used to abuse my bfs emotions so bad. We instantly clicked and were dating and involved romantically within a short amount of time. He started talking to a 22 year old in South Dakota through Skype. i know its very obvious. She said she never really loved the guy but he divorced her within a few months of marriage. My husband got in behind the wheel & Peter had walked to his side of the car. Ice skating is another perfect date idea for all you introverts out there because it forces you to hold hands with the girl while also allowing you both to stare deep into each others eyes. I told him I was tired of the lies. The thing is, I know what hes going through because I fell out of love with him as well a longer while back, but regained it again, a new deeper love, over time through both his unknowing efforts and mine (I didnt let him know of it). I loved him so much I forgave him the next day thinking great were talking again atleast. Mostly, theyre just for fun and the fun gets old with the same partners so people switch. That is NOT the real person. April 28, 2022 . I just wanna know how can I show her there is nothing above love. It's the one that causes depressed partners to say they're no longer in love and have never loved their partners. We havent talked since mid-January. Just want to make this right and go back to the loving, supportive, fun relationship that I let slip away. Men respond well to unconditional respect. But the guy himself, uh-uh. I dont want to. So you get the best solution: Fall in love with the guy you WANT HIM to be and then tell the real person to change into that guy. From dealing with this myself, I understand where you are coming from. Now he wants divorce. We were asked to write questions which we could work through. 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